At what point do I end and God beings… lately I have been waiting for that point where you know you tried it all and you finally let God have his way in your life… I have felt myself go there or at least thought I was there many, many times over the last few months… but each time he has pushed me further. Strangely enough I like being here in a strange way I feel cozy and loved but I know I can’t stay here I feel restless but have no clue what God is doing or where he is moving me. It as if I am on this journey and I am continually asking are we there yet!!! He oh so patiently nugges me forward asking me to carry on forward… I suppose I just bask in his presence and wait for him to move so that I can join him… sometimes it is hard to do when you feel your world may crumble beneath you..
Warning vulnerablity ahead..
Lately I have been dealing with alot of emotional and spiritual stress if there is a such thing as spiritual stress but it sure feels like it.. As I look around I see everyones lives going on like all is well and good. I feel I have lost my dreams that I am doomed to live this life I now live forever that I will never be able to offer my children more… I am heart broken that I am not able to do the things I feel I am created to do .. I been thinking of what is holding me back. For one I am very lost on What God is doing in my life currently secondly finances put a huge strain on you in everyway draining you of energy and the means to do anything if you had the energy (lol). But one major thing that seems to over take me more than it should is FEAR… fear of failure, fear of losing our house-cars-our lively hood, the American dream (the ability to grow up and be what you want to be), fear of making the wrong move and having to suffer the consequence of that, fear of trusting… and the other hand I am afraid of success that I will lose all the things I am learning that I will be back in the same situation again some day. I think the Fear has become so strong because I feel I have hit one to many walls over the last year and I don’t know if I can take another like the last hit will do us in. In someways it will… I think that sometimes in these times we see what is so wonderful in others lives (the grass is greener senrio) and we can’t see what is right in front of us because we are so overcome with emotion and many times the negitive weighs out … most of my negitivity is about about what may happen if things don’t go a certain way. So today I decided to try to look past the emotion and look for what I may be missing.
– Precious time with my GROWING girls and my Jacob..
– A Husband is which I would replace with no one else to journey this life with.
– My dog that knows just when I need a cuddle.
– Dear Godly women to come along beside me to advice, laugh, and spoil me..
– I God that loves me unconditionally and is oh so patient with me and my spoiled heart… he amazes me, frustrates me, corrects me, puzzles me, and gives me hope and strength .. right now if I have anything worth giving it is from him I am so drained of me… that is why I feel I SHOULD be on the verge of experience him in a whole new way I just don’t know what I am suppose to be doing.. I mean I don’t feel like he sooo far away and that I don’t know where he is instead I feel him close like he is starring over my shoulder he is comforting me and loving me … yet silent may be I should be too!
As you all know it is no secret that I am Republican through and through…. I believe in a FREE market and small Government and Small businesses and I like (most) republicans stance on morality views. But first before I am republican I am AMERICAN…. we have all watched and debated and anxiously awaited to see who our new up coming candidate would be I think this time more than ever for many reasons The desperate need for some serious decisions to be made… the huge effort Obama and his campain made to get people out and vote bring more people into the mix, The fact we have an African American running for president (and now president) which is awesome to me. So many thing are on the line in this presidence as well.. With all these many views floating around we have all gotton pretty passionate and opinionate on who and what we believe America needs. I was completely all for McCain/Palin I have a bumper sticker to prove it lol.. and while it saddens me I will not be able to see there policies put in place and see them get all Mavericy (is that a word) on Washington lol… I am encouraged by a few things (because believe me I have looked for them)
one- Barack bring a calmness to the hysteria that most Americans are experiencing right now and sends a confident, strong, and Bold message to the rest of the world we are not weaked by him….
two- I know that we are not to make this a racial thing but it is and I am proud to be in a country that has come so far in such a small amount of time. I was fearful of the back lash on either side after the election but for exception of our small amount of extremist (we will always have) it has been no big deal… that is awesome to me.
three- I believe Barack to be causious and to really think things through he is intellgent and will not make hasty desicions not that I will agree on all of them but I have confidence they will be well thought out and I believe his heart is to better our country.
My stance against Barack has never been a personal one I don’t agree with his policies and don’t understand how they will better our country. But he has 4 years to prove me wrong and if he doesn’t there will be another election in 4 years in which we the people will again, be able to voice our opinion. We will either be in a better place than we are now our much worst depending on the role government plays in the next few years… Because of this, this is the time we as the people of UNITED States of America need to come together Support our leader no matter your political stance and PRAY for him He and his staff have a huge job a head of them and they need our support and prayers…
My prayer is for Barack and Michelle as they first of all raise there two daughters in the White House. For Michelle that she can be his shoulder to cry on his rock and his constient cheerleader as he will get beat down from time to time… For Barack I pray that he seek the LORDs direction in the decisions he makes for our country it is only God that know the true future and what is best for America. I pray as he picks those who will surround him in his cabinet and which policies he will put in place first … I pray for protection from extremist on everyside… I pray that our nation will rally behind him and show all of the other nations why AMerica is so incrediable and set apart from all the others…AMEN>
Wow someone wants to know 6 things about me..?
1. I living in Florida don’t appreciate unprepared cold fronts … it has been freezing this week and I have yet to pull out all the winter wear lol..
2. I totally forgot halloween was approaching so quickly I usually do the whole pumpkin patch and fall decorating Greg carved the pumpkin tonight the night before Halloween… I feel so ill prepared and like a bad momma.
3. I am totally OB-sessed with the political crap going on right now FOX channel is my addiction sad I know looove new Huckabee show .. Fox Business in good too Calveto and Ramsey rock…
4. I know I am officially old on my trip to Graceville recently (by myself) I scanded the radio for talk radio only… how sad..
5. I really do want to be a pink caddie driving Mary Kay Lady … and think it is the best company ever and want to share it with others.
6. I dream one day that I will be in front of many women someday speaking and traveling and that I have something interesting enough to say and through me God will change lives…
Now I must tag others:
Here at our House– she is a spout of wisdom and I long to be more disapplined as she is.
Misery on a Mend — because I admire her honesty and I haven’t checked in with her lately.
Haleysrootsandwings– she needs to get bloggin… lol.
that’s all fokes I don’t have many to refer too… that kears hasn’t already tagged..
My 7 year-old (tomarrow) Jacob open my eyes the other day to how quickly and early Satan starts his lies and attacks in or lives… heres the story we (or church) have been doing VBS on Wednesday nights the last 5 weeks. The last night of VBS was a prayer bracelet my children came home that night and were so excited to use them in our prayer time and it broke the repetative prayer cycle I have been trying to do for months. The next day Jacob went to school with it on … when he got in the car that afternoon after school this conversation occured..
“Mom the boys laughed at me for having a braclet they said it was for Girls..”
Me: “It’s not girly at all it’s colored soccor balls, and why didn’t you just tell them it was a prayer braclet?”
Jacob: sigh “I total Elijah that it was a karate bracelet and I was white and have to work to get the other colors.”
Me. “Karate? it has nothing to do with Karate.. why would you say that and not the truth…?”
Jacob ” I was scard they would laugh at me…”
Me: as my heart was breaking “Why do you think they would laugh? Have they laughed at you about praying before?”
Jacob “No they haven’t laughed I just wanted it to be something cool…”
Me: my heart now smashed… I went into I am sure some sorta of sermon on how God is cool and he should think more of what God thinks than man because he loves and knows him best and so on…
So what made my Jacob think that they would laugh and that a pray bracelet wasn’t cool…? It hit me that my precious children were already being lied to that they didn’t even have to face ridicule from friends and others to learn the harsh reality that God’s word is often rejected Satan doesn’t wait for them to be ready to fight he doesn’t wait till they are well equiped He doesn’t wait at allll…. My precious Girls at the ripe age of 3 and 5 are already asking do I look “fabulous” or does this “outfit” make me cute..! What makes them think they are not beautiful what makes them think for any reason they will not be accepted by others… They have a loving Family that thinks they are “fabulous” (that is the word in our house right now) and church friends that love and accept them they have not yet experience ridicule from this cruel world but the one who “is a thief who is prouling around like a lion looking to destroy” is prouncing on them .. Well he messed with the wrong child this Momma has a Savior and ain’t afraid to use him… I woke me up to the reality that this war inside of me is already inside my children and they yet to have Christ to help them fight… it’s my job to teach them what is the TRUTH they are yet able to disern that for themselves… oh how my heart breaks… This also opened my eyes and reminded me that how often I listen to the lies myself. Daily I fight the negitive thoughts that flood my mind… I to consider way to much what others think of me although I might not do things to impress or lie to look cool but it sure keeps me from doing certain things and I often don’t finish what I have started if I don’t get validated or any negative feedback… How my Heavenly Father must feel when I fall for the lies and do not follow through. It makes me want to run to him alot more frequently now knowing how I felt made me realize he must be a million gallion times more angrier and ready to deal with the enemy I can instantly relate to David’s heart as he begs God to deal with his enemies in the Psalms… Oh God will you shut Satan down in our children’s lives pour your goodness into their souls lead me in your word to show them your TRUTH and how to fight the lies they will continue to hear till the day we are complete in YOU… how my heart aches let me never to forget the importance and the urgency of pouring your word into their hearts for amunition now and later in life.” Thank you for this eye opening moment may YOU never allow Satan to have a foot hold in our families lives…. AMEN>>
Okay I going to vent here… just a warning…
This is completely a political thing I have been watching and some what obsessing over this election.. and I just got so stinkin fed up this morning. I just heard that the Feminist groups hate Sarah Palin. I first I thought that to be odd because hasn’t she accomplished all the that the feminist groups stand for and want! Well the truth comes out… the feminist are nothing more than women wanting hand outs so that they can go to the top on food stamps they actually said she was a selfish mom for wanting to raise her own kids on her own without the governments help they are scared that if she gets in the White House she will not stand for freebies for them “Government handouts”… In my opinion this election is not about McCain or Obama it is about our core believes about ourselves and life aside even from religion.
If you are a person that feels that you have that can do spirit, you know the longing to accomplish goals and love the feeling of making your imprint on this earth. You have a since of pride that won’t let you sit down in your self pity (although there are days) but you have something in you that refuses to let you and your family become dependant on others you will stand in line at the day labor places you will sell your belongings, you will get inspired to pull up your own two shoe strings and sometime others as well and rise to the top … you more than likely will be a REPUBLICAN tried and true Republicans want government out of our way less paper work less taxes less fear of government involvement in your personal life… which in truth strengthens our economy with entrepreneurship and gives us something to fight for…
On the other hand if you feel that life is hard and times are hard.. and the only was you can make it is from a handout from the government you are more than likely a DEMOCRAT. I know i am venting but I will try to be fair on this. I can see that people want to improve our healthcare but if you are anyone that has worked in the medical field you don’t want the government handling healthcare hence medicaid/medicare caosis… Univeral Healthcare has been done in other places and it is not what you want trust me..(that is for another day). I also understand that people and families want free childcare and food ect.. but what will eventually happen is Government will continue to give handouts and if (and when) the economy doesn’t work and we are taxed to death and Government is still in dept because the needs for handouts will increase because small businesses will crumble… and the Government will say the american people don’t know how to use there money we do..!!! and before long they will be telling us how to spend our money and how to live our lives and our Freedom will be dead… Just think about it as a parent would you continue to give your child handouts if they continued to depend on it and never make something of themselves more times than not people will become dependant on free money and never move beyond where they are but if you are going without food and no one is standing there with a free check you will get up and do something about it some of the greatest companies in the world came out of desparate situations… Mary Kay for example, Dupont (carpet), FORD (there is american for you) and even Obama himself brought himself to where he is with hard work and determination..
So I said all that to say that when you vote this November remember it is your core beliefs you are voting on not the person… Although Sarah Palin freakin ROCKS and she is a woman with integrity, she is pro-life (which ticks womens lib off as well), no nonsence gal, she IS a wonderful mother that got to where she is with a faithful loving husband and GOD that she believes in and put her where she is… I think it is ironic that the Democrates and left wing activist have wanted women to go to the top for years they never imagened a God fearing life loving family woman would be the FIRST…
Growing up I remember when ever I would give something to my brothers or a friend and later want it back like how all children do my mom would tell me I was being a “indian giver” (to this day I am not sure what that really means and kinda suprised I never asked my mom since I was a child full of questions. ) This week I have been pondering on How God gives we sing the song “he gives and takes away I will choose to say blessed be your name”…. and the the verse in Job 1:21 states it as well. Now my life in no way is a parelle to Job’s but I wonder sometimes if God can be like a Indian Giver lol.. I meaning no disrespect here just a play on words. I will share a story that happened to me this week to illistrate..
This past Tuesday I took Jacob to school with all intentions of dropping him off and coming strait home to clean house. On the way home is dawn on me I have no broom my broom has been missing for about a week. So I decided to run in Dollar General and get a broom now I was not planning to get out of the car so I have no make up on which normally is not a problem but now I have to represent Mary Kay .. lol. Anyhow so I go in and while I am purchasing the broom the lady across the counter says do you sell Mary Kay (because My MK purse is ploped up on the counter now). I said Yes and proceeded to tell her I just started and how excited I was and by the end of the conv. she proceeds to ask how do you sign up… I was amazed just like that and I chatted on about the August promotion going on and she was like I want to sign up today. So I went home grabbed my prepackage kit and took it to her and set a time to come to the house and meet with her well she canceled and sceduled for the following day… meanwhile I am tripping out thinking I could have a recruit in the first month of my Mary Kay career and telling everyone this “God story” or so I think I really honestly was giving him all the credit and literally fell on my face thanking him that day after all I did nothing.. really and I was thinking like God hid my broom so I would go to the store and meet this woman not only to be my recruit but I started thinking (since I no nothing about her) what she might be like and what God might have in store for she and I as far a ministry was conserned … well she bailed on me the next day as well and I haven’t heard from her since… so I know life gets in the way maybe she changed her mind or things in her world got busy like we all do. The thing is I understand why she might not of followed through for many reasons what puzzles me is I really thought God was working in this .. and maybe he was he just choose to give and take away… I don’t know but I still think no matter what success or lack there of I will choose to say blessed be HIS name …
So the last couple of weeks have been preparing for new things in the Morris household. For Greg, the kids and myself I feel like we are sorta evolving into a new time in our life. You know when you go from having no kids to a baby then your in the diaper era then the toddlers without diapers. And now all 3 of my children are not toddlers anymore I can actually skip the whole baby/toddler section in the stores. kinda sad actually.. So here we are into the world of viedo games, Hannah Montana, jonas brothers, and football… So much going on so I will break it down into the individuals in the Morris household.
Greg– recently just completed his first of many I am sure certificates in computer programming he has yet to take the test but that is coming up soon and is looking to quit the construction life in the near future and switch the commuter programming. He is also weaning himself off of World of Warcraft I huge torn in my side and a huge love in his lol…
Me– as you all know by now I am selling Mary Kay now .. and I am truely excited about it. I am now trying to figure out how to balance my new venture with my family life. So far so good because it is slow starting but I am putting up barriers now so it doesn’t become my life and take the place of my God and family two things that the Mary Kay company it’s self says should come before your career. I am now more conserned with how I present myself no more running out in my sweats and no makeup.. I got to be ready and I really need to not just for Mary Kay but to be more aware in general how I present myself. Now with school back in session I am looking to do more with the girls at home in teaching them and getting back to a more structured time at the house I let things go a little to lax during the summer.
Jacob- my FIRST grader.. he is missing his Kindergarden class and teacher. And I can tell he seems a little quiter these days. But just like we all are with new things he will find his place and do great things. I am having to restrict his time on the computer. He seems to be out growing toys and longing for gaming things as of now we just have the computer games and an older XBox that you can barely find games for.. and I am left thinking what do you do with a soon to be 7 year old besides games…? We did inroll him in flag football that starts in September and Paige will be cheering that will be fun.
Paige.– his girl has started her hormonal week to early we have had a time with her this week I am hoping she was just having a little anxiety with Jacob starting school and all be she turned into a different person she would go from regressing like a baby arms out mama mama… to the other extreme screaming and throwing herself out of control NOT at all like her never seen it… So we are in uncharted territory any advise is greatly appreciated there.. on a happier note she is ready to learn and longs to please she truely is my little helper…
Natalie– she is still coping Paige mostly but I see a glimse into who she is.. she is sticking for herself more and doesn’t hesitate to tell her brother and sister she is mad with them, which I appreciate more than the aaahhh scream.. lol. She is completely a snuggle buddy she rather suggle up on the couch and watch a movie with snacky foods than do anything else.. I will have to watch her on that one.. but I love it just the same l love to snuggle with her sooo..
So there it is weither you like it or not a update with us MOrris’…
So lately I have been pondering on a few things. About a month ago or so we have been singing this song in church (not sure of the name) the lyrics are like Jesus your all that at want and all that I need (something like that). The whole point is I can bearly sing it I have less of a problem singing you are all that I need because I know mental that is true and really when it comes down to it HE is all we need but the part that gets me is you are all that I want ohhh how I want that to be true. Then on top of it all I am doing the bible study by Beth Moore and it is about Breaking Free and there are 5 points. 1. Believing God 2. Glorify God 3. Find Satisfaction in HIM (ouch) 4.Experience God’s Peace (boy I have had practice with that lately) 5. Enjoying God’s presence.. So as I am going through these in my studies and trying to pry my fingers off all that entangles me I am left wondering what a life totally left with wanting and needed Christ only looks like how do you balance that without fleeing to the Mountains some where leaving it all.. how do you lay bear before God with your family in one hand and your finances and responsibilities in the other and your own dreams and wants just out of reach…
So I go through this list Beth has given because it seems to me on the other end of these 5 benefits Christ has given us is a freedom from all this world has entangled me with…
1. To know and believe God: Do I really trust God to give me (what I want) umm I mean what is best for me? Do I even know what He wants for me and does it include cleaning the bathroom lol I think wierd things like that..
2. To Glorify HIM: now I am aware that I should do this in all that I do but that does mean I don’t yell at my kids at times and want to pitch a fit it like a child if things don’t go as planned and I am not sure what people really see my heart means well but I think actions are not always perseved the way are hearts want them to be seen.
3. To find Satisfaction in God : now how does this happen I mean honestly I have been proud of myself all week I have gotton up before the kids to do my bible study and I honestly look forward to it, but why don’t we long to be in the word like we long to see our friends, check our computers, watch our TV shows, and why when I just want to get away and chill I don’t retreat to his word or if I am stressed the last place I want to do is read let alone the bible when I am stressed about finances and such .. oh to have complete Satisfaction in God. Does that mean no excitement over a new pair of jeans, a new sewing project, or a longing to paint a wall in my house ???
4. Experience God’s Peace: now I know I experience this often and not sure how people live without it. But there are times when my soul gets all stirred up and a feeling of anxiety comes over me from know where and no amount of scripture, prayer, or praise can calm it. It’s like I am screaming on the inside and want to let it out… and sometimes it does out on my kids and husband for something so trival.. where do I push that energy that wants so badly to over take me.
5. To simply Enjoy God… now I believe we all know what this feels like and I love the feeling myself .. but I want to live it everyday not just in the special moments.
Now mentally I know if I do all these things that I all the rest of life will come together and I WILL be complete and lacking nothing… if God is all that I need and WANT. But daily I have my list of wants and obessess over them how do we know they are from God or our own hearts. My newest struggle is I just started selling Mary Kay now I know makeup is not a nessessity in life and I feel kinda strange talking women into buying something they may not “need” but it is such a possitive business and is all about encouraging women to be femine which is Godly.. I honestly have given this business completely to God hoping to use this as an avenue to touch womens lives and encourage them to be more… my dilema is I don’t want it to be more than Christ to me. the last week I have read every material they gave me and watching videos, memorizing colors and prices, I can’t even leave the house without makeup and I want to dress and present myself in a more femine and conservative way now it’s changed me in some ways and I am truely excited. I am praying that God will use this to reach women for HIM and at the same time help my family financially. I want to be the girl on stage at Mary Kay telling my story about how God used Mary Kay to change my life and others is it okay to want that…
You are now reading a post from your new Mary Kay consultant. Yes I Candy have signed up to make my millions with Mary Kay and I can’t do it alone I need my peoples.. lol. Seriously though I am really excited about this new opertunity. My very first party is Thursday the 14th and I have set some goals that I am praying to reach. I have prayed about this and my intent is to continue to make my business prayer lead and I am hoping that it will become more than make-up I want to get involved in womens lives and share Gods love, excitement, and show them the beauty God has given us. The fact that Mary Kay’s business is Christ centered will make this easier as well the whole program is so positive and there are so many incentives. The coolest thing about it is the day I signed up my wonderful husband set up my websight www.marykay.com/candymorris while I was in the shower and then he got online while I was emailing everyone and ordered me some business cards how awesome it is to get such and encouragement and support. Then many of my friends have encouraged me and told me I will be great at selling Mary Kay, this support just gets me more excited and confident about really doing well in this business. The funny thing is the morning after I signed up I woke up and thought I am a Mary Kay consultant and I felt great like I had something to give the world lol. So this Friday I should be getting my kit and on Monday night I will get my crash course training and Thursday is the big night hoping to get many parties booked. So if you would please pray for my new business and that I would Glorify God in all that I do with it, and if you are interest please stop by my websight and make an order or two lol.
Travelings of the Heart 